Do you know the differences between cultural and religious appropriation, and ‘A little bit of harmless fun?’
Is wearing something or using language outside of your culture, religion or way of life acceptable?
Is it acceptable to wear religious symbols if you do not follow that religion?
Is it ok to wear Nigerian dress when you haven’t any links to Nigeria?
It’s ok isn’t it, to mimic a Punjabi accent at a funeral as the person who died did it all the time when talking about the staff at their local Indian takeaway?
It’s a little bit of harmless fun, right?
Why Cultural and Religious Appropriation is Important
Wearing a religious symbol associated with a belief you do not follow is offensive and not appropriate.
Wearing clothing associated with other cultures isn’t acceptable.
Laughing about the accent of an Indian person isn’t a little bit of harmless fun, IT IS RACIST.
Racism Isn’t Harmless Fun
‘I’m not racist, it was a little bit of harmless fun.’
The words trip off the tongue so easily and said in such earnest that the person uttering them really believes they have done nothing wrong, and their words or actions were harmless, butharmless to who? Read on to find out how it probably isn’t likely to be such a black and white issue!
Michelle Taylor, Woman of Colour and Celebrant
My name is Michelle Taylor (she/her), and I am a multi award winning established wedding and funeral celebrant, and celebrant trainer. (You might have seen me performing the wedding on Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway in 2022, or on Don’t Tell the Bride). I am also the ex-Mayor of Manningtree in Essex.
As a woman of colour, I proudly identify as being bi-racial and I have experienced racism throughout my entire life, and I am still experiencing this now.
‘Yeah, but I don’t see you as being black, you’re one of us.’
‘You are light skinned though, so I wouldn’t say you are a person of colour.’
and
‘I don’t see your colour, I just see you,’ are three of the most commonly used, yet offensive phrases said to me.
To deny my skin colour is to deny my heritage and culture, and it denies my right to exist as a women of colour.
In this modern era of so-called enlightenment, we don’t deny non-binary people or trans people the right to their personal identities, so why should I be denied mine?
Seeing me as anything other than a woman of colour, or refusing to acknowledge I am not white is a form of racism.
Racism is discrimination towards a person of colour because of the colour of their skin. Not seeing mine is discrimination.
Another negative presumption is that I MUST be an angry black /brown woman because I am getting animated about a subject close to my heart, it’s as popular opinion dictates I must play the part of a submissive ( never gonna happen) and quiet background character in my own narrative.
In times gone by, overt racism was rife and part of the natural order in our society. Tv programmes, films, media portrayal of non-white people was very stereotyped. During these times, it was considered funny and comedic to cliché people of colour.
People of colour were represented differently to white people and racism was culturally acceptable. Racism isn’tever culturally acceptable, yet here we are in 2024, still subjecting people of colour to racism.
It isn’t racism though is it? ‘It’s a little bit of harmless fun’.
You might be wondering what this has to do with our society in 2024. Black face is no longer seen on television and people of colour are more widely represented in the media, on tv programmes, adverts and in films so racism is no longer an issue right?
Wrong! This brown woman, is ranting and why am I ranting? Well, let me break it all down for you, because in our industry of celebrancy, this matters! We are a service industry and we are working with people from literally every section of society. We are privileged to have a rich vein of cultural and religious practices to tap into, but as custodians of this knowledge, when we create ceremony, and I mean, all and every ceremony, we must be mindful of several things, which include:
Who are we creating ceremony for?
Why are we including the rites and rituals we are have been asked to?
Is it appreciation or appropriation?
Does it sensitively align with our and our clients values?
Is there an alternative we can suggest and explain why we are steering them away from an original idea?
Everybody needs to understand the differences between cultural and religious appropriation and a little bit if harmless fun. Celebrants included.
Educate Yourself
George Floyd was murdered 4 years ago on the 25th of May 2020.
Riots and demonstrations ensued, around the world and the # BlackLivesMatter took on a new lease of life. As a result of the BLM movement, the western world looked in on itself a bit and conversations were had that were long overdue.
The wedding industry here in the UK was white, cisgender, beautiful and able body centric and as we all know that isn’t real life or a true representation of our society.
People became more aware of cultural and religious appropriation and celebrants, started to educate themselves on how they too could be a good ally in their own businesses and ensure we sensitively represented our client’s needs, wants and desires when it comes to ceremony. But it seems to have stalled again, new celebrants come onto the scene, some more aware than others about what is right and wrong when it comes to understanding the difference between appreciation and appropriation. Bad practice seems to have snuck in once more.
Appreciation v Appropriation
I’m sure if you’re a celebrant reading this and you have overstepped the mark, you will be mortified, but it’s done, apologise if you need to, move on and educate yourself so this doesn’t happen again.
It could prove detrimental to your business if you fail to educate yourself and your potential clients.
So, let’s break it down a little bit more and start with the definition of cultural appropriation.
Cultural Appropriation
According to the Cambridge English Dictionary it is
‘The act of taking or using things from a culture that is not your own, especially without showing that you understand or respect this culture’
Discuss Personal Traditions With Clients
When a couple or family request the inclusion of a certain element if it is not immediately apparent, don’t be afraid to ask the question why they want to include this. Is it culturally or religiously appropriate to include their requests into a ceremony, or is it a little bit of harmless fun, or could it cause offence? Context is everything, and as usual, the devil is in the detail.
The ancient Indian art of henna body decoration or the bindi dot by non- Hindu or Jain women is appropriation when worn as decorative adornments. Mendhi henna when inked on the bride’s palms allows the wearer to receive blessings. They represent joy beauty, spiritual awakening and offerings.
Designs include swans to represent beauty and success, vines and leaves are symbolic of devotion and vitality. Dragonflies and butterflies symbolise change and rebirth, and lotus flowers which are a sacred Hindu symbol. There are hundreds of designs, all with their own very special and individual meanings.
If you are invited to a Hindu or Jain wedding and everyone is encouraged to dress in Sari’s or the Churidar trousers and tunic, that is cultural appreciation. Because everyone is encouraged to embrace the culture and to understand and engage in the celebration. If you like the meaning behind menhdi but you aren’t of Indian heritage, you shouldn’t be using it outside of a culturally appropriate situation.
Religious Appropriation
Hairstyles such as braids or dreads and mohawks have been subject of the appropriation v appreciation debate of late. Is it fashion, a trend or an appreciation of the religion or culture that inspires them?
For many years, right up to present times, young black people have been excluded from school for wearing styles that allegedly went against school dress code… what were their hairstyles? Braids, plaits and dreads, yet it is ok for a white child to go on holiday or and adult (remember Bo Derek’s braids in the film 10) to sport such styles with no criticism or fallout. Dreadlocks are an important religious symbol that connects the Rastafari with their god Jah, representing deep respect for their deity.
Dreads are probably amongst one of the oldest hairstyles in existence and can be seen throughout history, however in recent centuries they have become more commonly associated with Rastas. If you aren’t a Rasta and you have similar hair, they are simply called locs.
If asked to lead a Viking themed wedding, is it a little bit of harmless fun to have temporary Norse themed Viking tattoos? Read on.
Vikings were soldiers who worshipped many Gods and Goddesses. Symbols such as the Elder Futhark Runes and meanings are associated with the recent interest in Vikings caused by the same titles tv programme. The Old Norse pantheon is still followed by many people, including witches, Priestesses and Pagans. Using associated religious symbols isn’t a little bit of harmless fun, it is offensive.
Is someone being oversensitive or woke when they challenge you?
Well consider it like this. You are a Christian you attend church, wear jewellery or clothing that shows to the outside world how strong your faith is.
How would you feel if an obviously (because you have asked them, not assumed them to be) non-Christian couple or family have booked you and then decided to include a ritual, say holy communion, or the last rites or have an altar cross on display.
Maybe they want you to wear a cross or dog collar as part of your outfit and there was no clear reason for the inclusion of the items or rituals in their ceremony.
There is no religious connotation or context behind their choices, they just think they look fun or cool or quirky.
Now take your possible affront and multiply it for all the other cultures or religions that have their rituals bastardised for our pleasure.
I am not saying you cannot suggest these rituals or elements and that people cannot use them, but there must be context, and this is where appreciation rather than appropriation comes in.
Remember, it may not be just harmless fun when it comes to mimicking another religion or subculture, it can cause serious distress
In Conclusion
Always consider the following:
- Is it something that people have been discriminated against or shamed for?
- Does it hold sacred and ceremonial meaning?
- Is it a current fashion or on trend, does it appear on your or your clients Pinterest boards for example?
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Top of the list!
Put to bed your white fragility, (the innate discomfort and defensiveness on the part of a white person when confronted by information about racial inequality and injustice).
Work towards becoming an Ally, be that person that cooperates with or helps and champions another to raise awareness and help educate others.
If you are seeking advice, support or learning from any marginalised people, pay them for their time and expertise.
If you do want them to educate you on topics you are unfamiliar with, offering to pay them for their expertise is a great way to be an ally and learning how to be one.
Decide how YOU can raise awareness through your own sustained action.
You’ve listened to the talks, read the books and asked the relevant questions
You now need to decide how you are going to share the knowledge and challenge the behaviour of others
WHAT NOT TO DO
When seeking help or support you will have people sharing their stories and lived experiences with you.
Don’t make your feelings more important than the experiences and voices of those telling their story. How YOU feel about what they HAVE experienced is not relevant to this conversation.
Do not pretend to know what their issues are.
Don’t gaslight by making the sharer doubt their own lived reality (‘Oh, it can’t have been that bad surely?’)
Don’t Get emotional. Being emotional about the issues makes it about you. Use the emotion listening to their lived experience brings to you to steel your resolve and ignite passion without making it personally about your journey as an ally.
Don’t Shut down. When things get hard, and they will if you are being a true ally, you cannot walk away. Your friends and colleagues don’t have that luxury . As the adage goes, ‘no pain, no gain’.
Don’t Judge. We are all guilty of this to some degree or another. But stop and think, change your perception and perspective . We all have very different lived experiences, and we all need to listen and learn.
Pointing out what you have said or done that has caused me or others offense doesn’t make me ‘woke’, ‘sensitive’, or a ‘liberal lefty’, it makes you uneducated and offensive.
Recommended Reading
Here is a list of books I have found invaluable in my own education.
They are uncomfortable and challenging reads, even for someone who has a modicum of understanding in the field, but they have challenged and changed my perspectives.
I am more able to moderate my own language and practices as a result, happier to challenge others and their thinking ( I won’t necessarily change it, but if I can make them stop and think, who knows where that will lead)
You can get a number of them on audio book too and dip in and out of them as and when you need a refresher.
My advice is don’t give up on them, be curious, let down your defensive barriers and embrace what these authors are giving to you, you won’t regret it!
The Good Ally – Nova Reid
Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race – Ren Eddo-Lodge
How to Be an Antiracist – Ibram Kendi
The Bluest Eye & Beloved – Toni Morrison
White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo and Michael Eric Dyson
The Good Immigrant: 21 writers explore what it means to be Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic in Britain today
Black and British : A Forgotten History – David Olusoga
How to Argue With A Racist – Adam Rutherford
Michelle Taylor, Celebrant Mentor
Want to work with me and learn more?
Visit me at The Savvy Celebrant to find out how about my mentorship packages and my diversity course a 101 on diversity and inclusivity for wedding industry professionals
Words by Michelle Taylor #FunkyCelebrant®
